Meh. Not thrilled with Federation Firewood. They were prompt to charge, but tardy in delivery …and as for the wood being well seasoned – haha, oh please do stand up for a round of applause folks, the entire community is performing a standing ovation here, awwww – isn’t that nice? How Nice. The experience with Blackheath Firewood last year was better. Appreciated the courtesy at all of their contact points and their wood was better seasoned compared to this year’s dump of elephantine wet shit, but let’s just refrain on over the positive – because at least this current load of fuel, is easier to split.
Post “I Quit!” Facebook Reclusivism – that’s what i’m calling it. Have found it dreadfully difficult to reply to any “social” emails that are not directly related to work, since quitting the Facebook platform. If social emails didn’t arrive in my actual INBOX and via Facebook instead when I left – then that’s even worse… but i’m still experiencing the same thing via standard email too. If it’s not related to work, if i’m not getting paid for my time – it has no part in my life atm. It’s like the decision to quit – has turned me into a Hikikomorian type of recluse. I’m not enjoying the social withdrawal but it’s like i’ve had to consciously pull inward in order to extrude into the kind of 3D direction I want to go.
Yep. I can feel it. I’m slowly turning into the butt of those 3D Artist jokes that were often hurled on Facebook (which i still think are very funny). It’s not entirely negative …but i can feel, am aware of the elements that well – yes, things could get out of hand if I let it, but for now – determined to head towards being the funny butt of that kind of joke, not the devastatingly sad-butt version. If I ever find myself not being able to laugh at the 3D Artist/Animator jokes, then yeah – send me to rehab ASAP. Thing is, i don’t believe 3D Artist rehabs will actually exist until 2063 – so i’ll try to be careful.
“How can we make LW more user friendly for the 2D/non-3D artist?”
Try using something like My Virtual Home or play The bloody-orthographically-inclined Sims if you want to build a virtual house quickly. If you want it quick, easy & effortless – don’t dare to even think of touching something like LWCAD – you won’t like it at all! Can you hear me laughing? Because i can hear the sound of other LWers who’ve had to do the hard-yards inside my own head, laughing.
Was perusing the Modo site tonight because some people I respect, have been doing the “you really SHOULD learn the mojo in modo!” dance. Ha yeah, ok – I’ll admit that the packaging design add-on did make me bat my eyelids quite fervently when i ran into it a few months ago, but… hmm, nyah – not for now. I’m very content with making the most out of everything stubborn, stupid, counter-intuitive, bloody hard & ..broken.
My past with 3D, the level of intensity that was there when i was a child ~ still finding the events that got in the way of my path towards LW challenging at times. That thing, the feeling …desire, calling …drive to nail photorealism in pencil, what was that …thing? That push… “you gotta do this! you just gotta!!” …a whole bloody decade of just pushing…pushing…pushing, then there I was, face to face with “you did it, you’re here now!”. The quest for photorealism ~ finished, at last. The high, lasting for about 6-8 weeks…. one photoreal piece after the other …and then BOOM, saw the end of the lead pencil soon after. Reached the limit, of lead. Seriously… from grade 9B to 9H. Like who the fuck uses 9H?! WHY, would you want to use 9H? Hmm… well, it was a sick chisel, my favourite of the lot …which is why I didn’t traverse into the softer B range too much. I liked how it felt like I was sculpting. In hindsight, makes me wonder if it could’ve been a yearning to dive into the z-axis that lived beyond the end of a piece of paper.
Regressed in the paragraph above and KNOW i’ve repeated myself on the subject before. Seems like the only way I’ll be able to shut up about it forever, is to work on a YouTube video that tells the entire story until it’s finished – then it’ll be a case of game over. I will never need to tell it ever again, so I guess this could be ..another draft. It was a major achievement in my life, but i remember the psychosis & “what’s next?!” panic that followed. Facing What’s Next?! – that moment of achieving/getting something you truly, deeply want – it’s happened to me a few times. Knowing what you want in the first place, that’s one of the hard parts …but learning how to tackle the “What’s next?!” phase after you get/achieve what you want ..it’s another kind of management skill that’s needed.
So yeah – the quest for photorealism, in 3D now. Sure – it’s functioning as a kind-of primary-ish goal …but with reservation. My head is going,
“You know why it’s not wise to make this an end-goal!”
Yeah. I do. It scares me because the last time i took that path, it was ..terrifying! I know I’ll get there. I know i can do it. Have moments of making progress. Makes me grin. Then I’m aware…. to be weary of placing photorealism as an end goal because there is something weird about wanting to acquire a skill like that (in my own life). To brace myself, for the possibility of seeing the very end of a 3D tool – that would be scary. How is that even possible when the node editor looks like a never-ending tunnel of infinite possibilities and you’ve hardly even begun to tap into the layout components?! True. Yes, i’m using such things as foils. They’re being lined up as loosely sketched alternative-paths to circumvent the possibility of running into another terrifying “What’s Next?!” moment. Having things loosely sketched, it’s OK for now – but know i need to conscientiously line them up as specific goal posts, areas within layout especially. Look, perhaps it’s impossible to max out in 3D ..but if it could happen with a ruddy pencil, then the fact that there’s a remote chance – hey, that scares me. It makes sense to be mindful of creating alternative/exit paths.
For some reason …I can feel the programmers on the otherside of the expressions window. I know they’re there, but they feel so far-far-away. A good galaxy or two in distance, at least. That’s good-enough for now. Settling for deliberately choosing to get lost in that space as an alternative to “What’s Next?” – OK, that sounds like a feasible plan. Note to self – if “What’s Next?!” ever happens again, opt for “get lost in space via the expressions window” and find a way to build a bridge to meet with the mathy programmers half-way. OK – cool, that’s one possible exit strategy.
For the friends who’ve sensed I’ve been away – yeah, need to be here – but still thinking of yas. In the meanwhile, it’s pretty much a case of shut-the-fuck-up and get back to work.
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How To Pronounce My Australian Name - Ayca | Visual Arts Showreel 1985-2011
Well – there’s Mr. Men …and Little Miss …so i figured a female Dr.Tickle was necessary, because girls could do with an alternative adult female role model without all that infantile crap too. It used to bother me a fair bit when i was a young child because it felt like the boys got a serious title, while girls were …just Little, so working on a doctor …left me feeling empowered.
